Mental Health and Me

I've struggled with my mental health for much of my life. Anxiety has been a constant since before I even knew what the word meant. My depression entered the party right around the start of middle school. The pair made getting through day to day life horrendously difficult. A few months ago (like, 8), a friend noticed I was pretty much falling apart in front of them. I had fallen into the deep end hard.

I have a very specific job in my friend group; soft spoken, level headed, the one to go to if you need someone to listen. I'd always been more of a listener than a talker- I let my fashion taste do that for me. But I had stopped eating, losing just a little more than 10 pounds, only choking down enough to keep my parents from worrying. Sometimes I wouldn't sleep for days on end. I went from irrationally emotional to basically just a robot running on autopilot. I stopped helping out with the yearbook, I quit theater, I hardly went to the studio for the morning announcements anymore. All of the things I loved.

The change must have been enough to set off a big ol' red flag. They got me what I was too terrified to get for myself. Help. I got to see an in school therapist who, bless her soul, did all the talking with my mom about setting up an appointment for an evaluation and possibly getting medication. I've been taking it for 6 months now and I feel inedible.

I can get out of bed before noon, I don't lay awake all night trying not to cry, I feel genuinely excited and passionate again. A few months ago I couldn't sit down and focus long enough to write half a paragraph or comprehend a page in a book without reading in a dozen times.

While, yes, I still have some problems. My memory is basically just soup at this point, my attention still darts around. At least I can say I look forward to tomorrow.