5/13/2020 (May 13th, 2020)

It's 10:13 pm as I'm writing this and I've been feeling kind of existential recently. While that's certainly nothing new to me, it's felt different as of late.

I graduated high school a semester early. I was able to cram and get all of my credits out of the way. The last few months have felt like I'm in limbo, like I'm in this strange void of in between high school and college. This has given me time to think about my future in ways I never had before. When I was 14 and starting my freshman year I couldn't fathom even making it to 16. Now, here I am, about to be 18 and graduating. Where did those 13 years go?

I can still remember starting my first day of kindergarten; walking into the lobby for the first time and how badly I didn't want my parents to leave, sitting in the back on the carpeted steps with the rest of my class, lining up and following the teacher down the hall to the classroom.

Sitting down now and remembering all the times I'd count the years remaining and sigh at how far away this felt made me realize something. If those 13 years of my life were here and gone so fast that I barely even remember them then next 4 will be nothing more than a blip. I'll move into my dorm, watch the door close as my parents leave, and before I know it I'll be packing up with my diploma in hand.

I'm going to have my own place all to myself one day. A place where I can just be me. A place to call home.

If I could tell 14 year old me just one thing, at risk of sounding painfully cliche, I'd tell them that it really does get better. Life gets better. There are more people on your side than you may think.

Finish: 10:43 pm.